it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
