Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
