Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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