i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
