I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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