worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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