im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
