I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
