Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
