Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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