If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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