I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
