But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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