the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
