is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm both gender and math confused
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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