she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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