I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize