Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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