i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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