I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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