This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
