It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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