They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
