i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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