i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
