it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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