And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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