I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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