I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
