she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Randomize
