I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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