True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
