Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
