i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
