I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
