My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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