I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
