i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize