the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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