You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
