What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
