dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
