He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
