Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Everything about him screamed your future.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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