I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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