I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
This house was built for laser tag.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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