If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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