There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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