I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
