In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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