i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
