I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
