You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
