Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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