He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
