i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
