I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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