my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
