we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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