we have pet lesbian snakes
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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