So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
