they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
