Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
